Christopher Brookmyre

I went to see Christopher Brookmyre on Monday. I had read only one of his books. The first half of it was around children in a catholic primary moving on to secondary. I was reading it at work in my lunch hour and despite the embarrassment is caused me I couldn't stop myself bursting out laughing. The second half of the book wasn't as successful.

I thought he was very good and probably funnier than he is in his books. The books are full of swearing and he gives a warning on this before he starts. I think he must have went to school with Frankie Boyle.

Anyway here is an interesting fact about the BBC. He told how he had been asked to do a play for late night radio 3. He did this and was told that there were too many fucks in it. For the length of the play there should only have been 15. He had 40. He cut it down. Then when the play was being recorded one actor suggested that a particular line wasn't right and really needed beefed up. He suggested the addition of a fuck. Christopher then thought of removing one from another part of the play and adding to the required line. The producer was unable to sanction this without checking up as not only are the number of fucks counted but their frequency is also measured.

If they can make sure there aren't too many fucks how come they can't reduce the amount of shite.

Fair Summation of the Current State of Celtic?

From madmitch on CQN:

Just what part of failure do the board apologists on this blog not get?

We failed to win the league
We failed to qualify for the CL
We are failing in our various quests this season.

The failure of the current board and ownership structure to develop and grow the team are so blatantly obvious to everyone but themselves.

DD = Mind on other things
JR = Warm up act, currently masquerading as a waste of space.
PL = The world's worst negotiator.
ER = Bean counter's bean counter.
BTM = Wearing "L" plates at our expense.

The current low spend plan has broken our business model of 53K season tickets and full houses for Euro nights.

We are a shambles and have been a shambles for quite some time but poster after poster offers excuse after excuse to transfer the blame onto anyone apart from the shower running the club.

Just when will some people say enough is enough?

Nice Letter from Capital One re my credit card account [1st draft]

Dear mug.. sorry customer,

The significant downturn in the economy has continued. This situation has meant we've had to carry out regular reviews of our customer's accounts to see where we can rob them blind even more than we already do... sorry, meet their needs at this difficult time.

We have therefore taken the difficult (ha ha ha ha ha ha!.... ahem he he cough)...ahem... decision... to increase our interest rate to 39.94% pa to prevent our profits falling below £5000 zillion pounds... em... sorry due to difficult economic circumstances.

We realise due to the aforementioned economic downturn this will probably fuck you up, but you are poor and indebted up to your eyeballs due to our crippling and parasitic interest rates and therefore can't do anything about it. So we don't give a shit.

You should read the "Questions and answers" smoke and mirrors... sorry.. guidance leaflet enclosed, so that we can bullshit you some more about how this action is unavoidable blah blah.... huge bonuses to pay for...blah blah... yacht to hire for the director's bash... blah blah... we want bail outs not regulation... blah blah.... socialism for the rich a boot in the teeth for everyone else...blah blah.

Thank you for being a Capital One mug... sorry customer.

We look forward to bleeding you dry until you are a shrivelled shell of something that used to resemble a human being.

Richard Fairbank
Chief Executive Officer
Capital One Financial Corporation

14% "Internet Charge" - is this a record?

Celtic don't get it.

• Celtic v Hearts in the League Cup
• The match is on the telly
• So let's charge fans a 14% "internet charge" for the tickets.
  

It Can't Be Paranoia

New Celtic Paranoia blog which captures the footage that the Laptop Loyal don't want you to see and thought they'd managed to brush under the carpet

Now...what do you mean you never saw this on BBC or STV highlights??!!

Steve Conroy was getting along very nicely denying Celtic penalties before he
had the temerity to send a Rangers player off against Kilmarnock the
week after, thereby causing uproar in the Scottish meeja.

However, Hee Haw said in the media about this Lev Yashin style save by Dundee Utd centre half Darren Dods in the last minute of Celtic v Dundee Utd though (12/09/09). An agenda? Double standards? Selective reporting? You must be paranoid!

Rangers 2 Celtic 1

I wasn't at Ibrox today but watched the match on the tele. My observations of Cetic this season so far:

• Mowbray's substitutions always make the team worse
• This is not because the players coming on (e.g. McCourt, Samaras) are worse than those coming off (e.g. ZZ, N'Guemo)
• It is because the players who should come off (e.g. Brown, Maloney) remain on the park
• Brown isn't good enough
• Maloney isn't good enough and hides
• Naylor wasn't good enough last season and is worse now
• McDonald isn't good enough
• We lose too many early goals
• I can just imagine Mowbray drumming it into the players not to lose an early goal
• This merely serves the purpose of re-inforcing the behaviour he wants to eliminate. It is like the Scottish Government saying we are all drinking too much or that we are getting obese. We drink more and eat more.
• I think Mowbray's signings have been OK
• I think Fox is OK
• I like N'Guemo
• ZZ looked good today
• Who knows about Fortune

I can't believe we can't pull away from the dross over at Ibrox.