Monday, 8 December 2008

Darryll Broadfud's theory of why the whole of Scottish football is total pish

Check this article by Dawwyll "I'm in the Walter Smith camp on friendly internationals" Bentfoot

In essence, Bentfoot's measured, considered and non-reactionary response to all Scottish teams getting knocked out of Europe = the whole of Scottish football is total shite. This a mere 7 months after his favourite team got to the UEFA Cup final. Just as well we have professional football writers like this to inform us lumpen masses of the 'bigger picture'.

Being a veteran paranoiac I've noticed a recurring theme - when the Huns get knocked out of Europe early its because Scottish football is shite (i.e. not Rangers). When the Huns can't afford a player it's because Scottish football is skint (i.e. not Rangers).

Some examples of Broadfud's wisdom

"Celtic are the fittest team in the land: only three outfield players - Scott McDonald, Lee Naylor and Gary Caldwell - have a BodyMass Index over 10 but still they lag behind the cream of the continent."

I must've missed the SPL Superstars event that proved Celtic were the fittest team in the land but it seems plausible. Not, however if they have only 3 players with a Body Mass Index over 10. The rest must be on the brink of starvation. Get the UN and Red Cross into Lennoxtown immediately amd Dermot over to a jail in the Hague! Bentfud also presumably has an extensive dossier on the BMIs of all European clubs to prove that Scottish players are so far behind them in fitness. Must be all that Monster Munch.

"John Hartson, whose goal against Barcelona in Camp Nou gave Celtic their solitary away point from 54, provided the most succinct assessment of the plucky Danes. "I think they will lose by five or six at Old Trafford; they are that poor," he said. What does that say of Celtic's inability to beat them home or away?"

That's it Bentfud, any flimsy excuse to mention Celtic's shite Champions League away record. It'll be interesting to see just how 'succinct' that prediction proves to be. By the way succinct = "expressed in few words; concise; terse" actually nothing to do with accuracy. Nice mangling of the English language from a professional there.

"The mind-numbing drivel endured on a weekly basis in the Clydesdale Bank Premier League is undoubtedly a corrosive factor. Celtic have won 11 games in a row while sustaining an entire line-up's worth of injuries. It says as much about the utter weakness of their rivals as it does Celtic's resourcefulness."

Bentfud is quite happy to make a living through writing about the mind-numbing drivel though. Brainless horseshite written about mind-numbing drivel, what a combination. Bentfud also ensures that there is no way Celtic should get any credit whatsoever for their achievements. Its all because everyone else is so pish. Interesting contrast with the orgasms back in February when the Gers were going for "10-in-a-row" in league wins and "red-hot Rangers" were in a rich seam of "awesome form". The SPL didn't seem quite so bad back then.


The press get ripped into Boruc for his mistake yesterday. Every single match report has a headline along the lines of "Boruc gift/blunder/aberration". I was in a taxi tonight and I had to endure 20 minutes of Real Radio Euan and Roughie going on and on and on and on and on about the "worst goalkeeping blunder ever blah blah". When asked for his professional opinion 'Roughie' came out with the gem - "He disnae seem to be quite with it when you look at him, usually you can tell looking at a goalkeeper what he's thinking, but with Boruc the noo, ye jist canny tell"

It turns out that maybe Boruc wasn't having knee surgery at all recently.... he was having lead plates inserted into his skull to defy the mind reading powers of media lackeys.

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