Sunday, 29 November 2009

Fuhrer Unhappy with Celtic

This had me in stiches, not very PC but funny all the same.

Saturday, 28 November 2009

Celtic v St Mirren

I'm heading to this game with a feeling of dread. Even the alternative, Christmas shopping with Maureen, is looking quite attractive. Please, Celtic, do something to make me feel better.

I currently get more enjoyment watching and listening to Rangers struggle than watching Celtic.

Wednesday, 25 November 2009

We're in this together

From now on, anyone who wants to make you worse off has a new catchphrase. If a mugger demands your wallet and you refuse to give it to him, he'll say "Haven't you heard? We're all in this together." And as he takes it he'll say: "See, we've all got to make a sacrifice."

It's a shame how it works, because this shared responsibility only seems to apply during a recession. While the banks were making billions, very few politicians were screaming "For God's sake you idiots, share all those bonuses out. Can't you see we're all in this together," which goes to show how complicated economics can be.

Luckily for the richest layer of society, we weren't in it together back then, so from 1997 to 2007 the wealthiest 1 per cent of the country could double its share of the wealth, while the poorest 10 per cent had their share cut in half. Then came the banking crash, after which that top layer took a humble and radical decision to carry on exactly the same.

So in the last year, the average pay of directors of FTSE companies has risen by 10 per cent, to reach £791,000. The first question to these people must be what couldn't they get with only £721,000 that they need the extra for?

If a director was told his salary was staying the same, would he shout: "WHAT? How am I going to pay for the kids' space programme? I've already had a red reminder bill from Nasa, I'll have to do some mini-cabbing in the evening or I'll be having the bailiffs round."

Others have softened the blow of recession in other ways. For example the chief of P&O was awarded, along with his pay rise, £80,000 worth of tickets for top sporting events. Imagine if a union leader called a press conference and said: "While the management have conceded tickets for semi-final day at Wimbledon, there has sadly been no progress on the issue of the Third Test at Trent Bridge, and so the strike is due to begin at midnight tonight."

Or there's Martin Sorrell, Group chief of WPP advertising, who in the last year laid off 7,200 staff and collected a £3m salary. But because we're all in it together maybe he gave them a little jingle as he laid them off, singing "You won't be let back in with a Sorrell sacking, now you're on – the dole."

No one even attempts to justify these raises any more, although they ought to be told to try, so we could see them muttering: "Well, it's imperative I earn more than last year, to compensate for all the suffering of knowing we're all in together. Yes, that's it."

Instead, George Osborne and Peter Mandelson tell us these amounts would make little difference to the overall debt of the country. So they make do with an occasional call on the banking industry to "show restraint". In which case both parties will presumably change their stance towards the slightly smaller amounts claimed illegally by people on benefits, and commission adverts that go "Benefit cheats – we're closing in. And when we do, you'll be asked to show restraint and responsibility in the amount that you fiddle in the future. Thank you."

The cry that we're suddenly together has happened countless times, in every recession. There was probably a Roman emperor who announced "Citizens of Rome. Unfortunately it appears I have used up all the gold of the empire in having a temple built for me and my wives. It's not my fault because no one was regulating me, as I had the last regulator crucified. So the most important thing is for all slaves to work themselves to a wretched death as quickly as possible, as we're all very much in this together. Cheers."

And maybe worst of all, if Labour do try to oppose the absurdity of a pair of multi-millionaires insisting we're all in it together, they'll look even more ridiculous than the Tories themselves. Because when Brown complains about scurrilous bankers he has to explain why he's spent the last 14 years addressing bankers' galas with speeches that go "My lords, ladies and gentlemen. What do you want – less tax? De-regulation? Women? You just say it, I'll sort it."

And Mandelson will struggle to present himself as an opponent of the wealthy, despite claiming "Labour is in my blood". Maybe he'll say next "You know, whenever I'm on a trillionaire's yacht I always drink Brown Ale, because I am at heart a working man."

So the only coherent line they could put would be to say "The Tories are vicious. Whereas we are vicious but incompetent. So you can rest assured that when we try to cut your income in half, you have every chance of getting away with it because we'll leave all the paperwork on the bus. Vote Labour."

Sunday, 22 November 2009

Dundee United 2 Celtic 1

I asked a question a few weeks ago and now is the time to ask it again. Has Tony Mowbray ever made a substitution that has improved the team?

Sunday, 8 November 2009

The Poppy Charade

By James Forrest on CQN:

I posted a couple of times on the poppies and said I thought everyone should keep silent, and observe that silence for their own reasons. Some chose not to do that. I want to be clear on this; I am not conflicted in any way about how I feel about it. I think what they did was decided their views and their feelings were more important than the club, than their fellow fans and they simply swapped one version of extremism for another. It was disrespectful to Celtic, to people everywhere and I don't think any of them should be proud of it. They acted like daft wee boys, and that's how they'll be viewed.

I see one online "writer" has already chosen to label them scum, and has been very careful in his headline to label ALL Celtic fans scum, although he claims to BE one of us.

What is pathetic about this joker, and what is pathetic about all the assorted trash who come after him, is that they COULD NOT WAIT to gloat, to puff out their chests and point their fat keyboard punching fingers. They could care LESS about the dead, about the memory of those who fought and died - they have narrow agendas and that is ALL they gave a toss about, and they are no different to the fools outside who "protested" and about whom they are going to rant and rave for days, maybe weeks, to come, and who will pull this out of the hat every chance they get.

Let me tell you right now that the poppy thing, the whole of it, everything it's been allowed to become, makes me want to throw up. Far from being a memorial to those who died, it has become an excuse for jingoism, for drum banging, for rallying round the Butchers Apron. And they call it "the best of British."

It's the WORST of British, but it sums this nation up very well.

The Germans commemorate World War II, as do the French, the Japanese and others. The French didn't emerge from WWII with any glory; they were invaded and liberated. The Germans kicked it off, along with their Italian and Japanese allies ....

Three "major powers" emerged from that conflict, and ALONE of EVERYONE IN IT, they never looked back, but jumped into one theatre of combat after another. The French, you have to DRAG into combat, the Italians can't be made fight anywhere. The Germans became the leaders of the European Union movement and are determined - as a point of NATIONAL POLICY - never to fight on any side in another war again unless attacked. Japan is the most pacifist nation on EARTH.

I make no apology for saying this, but in Britain the hoopla around all this more and more reminds me that in this country we LOVE war. We do. It's undisputed. At Ibrox, for the last couple of years, they've blared out the Damn Busters. In England, the whole country salivates at the prospect of "beating the Germans", and if it's not them it's the "hated" Argentines. It APPALLS me at times how much we REVEL in the glory, in triumphalism, in continued HATE.

Rememberence Days has become about remembering WHO WON. World War I was called "the War to End all Wars", and let me tell you, if there was EVER a cause worth dying for then that was it. World War II was about ending fascism, but the venom being poured on guys who sang songs today proves that isn't ended yet, whether you think they were stupid or scum as some have said.

The best way I know to honour the dead is to make sure it never happens again, and on the day in which grown men are wetting themselves with fury at other grown men who's egos are bigger than their brains and who's personal agenda takes precedence over all common sense, let alone decency, another young guy was killed in a country we shouldn't be in, fighting in a war we can't win whilst politicians talk crap about duty, honour and sacrifice. It makes me absolutely sick.

This country has learned nothing. Let the drums bang. Let the hate rise. To Hell with it. There are days when I feel that if the Guy Upstairs isn't sitting down with a good book that he must be wondering if maybe the time hasn't come to push a chunk of intergalactic rock in our direction. Rip it all up and start again. We just never get over ourselves.

To those on either side of the "debate". Stop kidding yourselves that this is about those who've died. This is now about greviances between those of us who're still living, and if one thing is true above all else it's this; far from being horrified by the experiences of those who fought, far from looking at the world and the times in which they lived and saying NEVER AGAIN ...... some people genuinely CAN'T WAIT for the next excuse to polish off the guns and get down to business.

Today's not about the "best of British", but the worst traits this nation has. Little Englander drum banging and triumphalism. That's what it's become. We're a nation of little George Patton's, who could not believe World War II was going to pass him by. "History will NOT ALLOW IT ....." he is reputed to have said. Certainly, it's taught this island nothing.

Sunday, 1 November 2009

Celtic 3 Kilmarnock 0

I turned up at Parkhead yesterday thinking I might witness history - the first Kilmarnock victory at Celtic Park in my lifetime. I shouldn't have worried. I wish we played Kilmarnock every week.

This was a good performance (the first one for ages) and the only downside was that we didn't score more. It would be churlish to pick out any player for criticism. Let's hope we move on from here.