Saturday, 22 November 2008

St Mirren 1-3 Celtic

Celtic striker Georgios Samars


  1. 11th win in a row! Where are the articles in the Daily Record, Sun, Evening Times et al, about how fantastic Celtic are??

    I mean, if it was Rangers...

    Celtic Paranoia

    February 2008
    Another piece of spin in the Evening Times (25 Feb) - whilst we were 'struggling' to beat St. Mirren with a 'controversial' free-kick that Naka 'manufactured', the Gers were 'winning in style' by 4-2 against a team who can hardly manage to pay their players. Recent inductee to the laptop loyal, Alison McConnell, commented "Rangers uncharacteristically slipped two goals to Gretna at the weekend"

    Well actually...far be it from me to suggest that a member of the Laptop Loyal might ride roughshod over statistical fact to put a positive spin on a Rangers story, but let's have a wee look at some stats:

    Rangers have conceded 2 or more goals on 7 occasions from 38 matches in all competitions this season, including 4 in one game against Hearts.

    Celtic's 'shaky' defence have conceded 2 or more goals on 6 occasions from 37 matches and have never conceded more than 3 goals in one game.

    Allison also tells us that Rangers currently have 62 points which is the exact same total as Celtic had at this point last year, and assures us that Walter demands his Gers squad keep up this high standard.

    Of course you remember that when Celtic had 62 points this time last year we were really disappointing, couldn't hack it in Europe, were really boring to watch and only winning the league because every one else was so crap.

    Moving onto Thursday 28th February and an outpouring of ubridled Laptop Loyal joy at the Orcs 4-0 win over Rangers Lite at Swinecastle.

    You would almost think that following two successive 5-1 victories by Celtic, the Laptop Loyal were almost spontaneously combusting with pent up desperation for the Gers to do something similar. Sure enough that opportunity arose with the Orcs 4-0 win at the Wee Orcs.

    Following this result, the title of top Rangers cheerleader publication was a close call but in the end the Daily Rectum retained its title over new challenger the Metro.

    Cue two days of celebrations and tenuous excuses to talk up Rangers in the Retard sports pages-

    28 Feb "FLYING HIGH By Gary Ralston Rampant Rangers Keep Up The Pressure With Tynecastle Romp RAMPANT Rangers made it 10 SPL wins in a row last night as they thumped hopeless Hearts 4-0 at Tynecastle."

    28 Feb "NACHO NOVO: I'LL WIN RANGERS THE TITLE FOR WALTER SMITH By Keith 'Jingle Jangle' Jackson NACHO NOVO is desperate to fire Rangers to the title - to repay manager Walter Smith for saving his Ibrox career."

    That'll be another miracle performed by the divine tank top then.

    CHRISTIAN DAILLY moved to one of the biggest clubs in Britain and immediately felt he had joined pals for a kickabout in the park. The Scotland star has been at Ibrox for only a month but already reckons he has the secret of the success he hopes will see him add to his sparse medal collection."

    Brilliant! Any excuse for a bit of "Rangers massive club" copy, with a bit of "adding to the trophy collection" in there for good measure.

    And if that wasn't enough, the Rectum enlightens us to the fact that the Gers' recent performances have been pulling in new fans from around the globe:

    Feb 29 "BORDEAUX CHIEF HEAPS PRAISE ON RANGERS STAR JEAN-CLAUDE DARCHEVILLE By Ewan Smith HOTSHOT Jean-Claude Darcheville's former boss last night praised him for putting the sparkle into Rangers' chase for trophies on four fronts.
    Bordeaux president Jean Louis Triaud compared the Frenchman to a bottle of champagne because both are so bubbly.

    And he isn't surprised the striker has become such a massive hit with Ibrox fans. Darcheville bagged another double in the 4-0 rout of Hearts to keep Rangers four points clear of Celtic at the top of the SPL table and maintain their challenge on four fronts."

    A "massive hit"? Monseuir Triaud would be surprised if he found himself present at Ibrox the next time "Bubbly" misses an open goal from two yards out against European opposition. The hack in question would have done well to have changed the title to "DAILY RECORD HEAPS PRAISE ON RANGERS" in the interests of accurate reporting. Also, spot the reference to mounting a "challenge on four fronts". The treble and the UEFA Cup? Looks like Raman has a rival at this year's Edinburgh Comedy Festival.

    However the Daily Ranger wasn't finished yet -

    HUMILIATION pure and simple. RAMPANT RANGERS destroy hopeless Hearts. Just two of the headlines that covered the Ibrox side's 4-0 victory at Tynecastle and they didn't come from the Rangers News or any of the newspapers Hearts believe have an agenda against them."

    God forbid any respectable newspaper would over-egg a Rangers victory, or a 10-game SPL unbeatern run aided and abetted by hopeless referees and self destructing defenders, whilst glossing over mediocre Scottish Cup and European performances.

    "No, this was the verdict of the Hearts official website, which only serves to highlight the shocking performance of Steve Frail's men on Wednesday."

    "the website found a backer in Hearts keeper Steve Banks, who was arguably the only home player to emerge from the debacle with any kind of credit."

    The player is quoted:

    "Rangers were far too strong for us and they wanted it more than us. Their formation served them well and Hearts just didn't cope. It is bitterly disappointing for us."

    "It does concern me. I have not seen that type of performance from the lads for a few months and I did not think such a display was in us."

    "We will watch the game and analyse where we went wrong but we need to have a long, hard look at ourselves and make sure we are up for our next game."

    "It is nice to make saves and do your bit for the team but to be on the end of a 4-0 drubbing is not what it is all about."

    If anyone can spot where the Hearts keeper "backs" the reference to "HUMILIATION" or "RAMPANT RANGERS" they must have eyesight of Andy Davis on a dark night at Swinecastle.

    However, as mentioned perviously, an impressive new application for membership of the Laptop Loyal was forthcoming from free bus rag, the Metro:

    Given the hyperbole above, it would be easy to forget that Celtic also had a game that was won on the same night. The spin put on both results was tiresomely predictable:

    "WALTER SMITH admits Rangers must maintain their awesome form if they are to wrest the SPL title from Celtic"

    Awesome eh?

    This tone continues inside -

    " JEAN CLAUDE DARCHEVILLE and Nacho Novo fired Rangers to their tenth consecutive SPL win as Walter Smith's men edged over closer to the title"

    Here's hoping!

    "Hearts found themselves ripped apart by a rampant Gers side, who sent out a clear message to rivals Celtic by maintaining their four-point advantage at the summit of the SPL in style"

    That's us told then.

    As far as Celtic's victory goes the Metro chooses to put this spin on events. Best not to dwell on the fact that Celtic won methinks -

    "CELTIC manager Gordon Strachan will not be too hard on midfielder Scott Brown after his blunder against Inverness at Parkhead led to a fraught ending in their 2-1 victory"

    This follows a familiar theme. The first paragraph of Metro's match report following Celtic's 5-1 win in Aberdeen mentioned (in no particular order) - Aberdeen missed an open goal with the scores still level, the standard of Aberdeen's defending was farcical and Aberdeen were "controversially" denied a penalty. Celtic's own denied 'stonewall' penalty claim was not mentioned and on a slow day for carrier pigeons throughout Scotland, no messages of defiance were reported to be winging their way to Ibrox.

    Incidentally - can you tell me how many games in domestic competition Celtic have now won in succession?

    Prepare to be shocked and stunned - but a quick look at Celtic's results on the BBC website, reveals that the club mired in defensive crisis and maintaining a league challenge only through dull uninspiring, workmanlike and downright cheating lucky performances, has just won its tenth game in succession in domestic competition. Two of these games were in the Scottish Cup, one of which was away to SPL opposition (Kilmarnock) and let's face it the other, (Stirling Albion) are probably just as good as Gretna. Anyway 9 wins in succession against SPL opposition should still qualify as "awesome" form, given that the Metro tells us that Rangers "continued" their awesome form, therefore this must stretch at least as far back as their 9th win. Strangely I have not seen this adjective applied to Celtic's form since December 26th. I must be reading the wrong papers.

    Surely though - this must be explained by the scintillating and emphatic nature of these Rangers victories??

    Well actually no.... this run includes a win over Motherwell that needed an o.g. and then a last minute clincher on the break, a 2-0 home win over Falkirk the first goal coming from what could be describes as an "Andy Davis special" free-kick award (cue deafening silence in the press in contrast to "I didn't touch Celtic con man") and the second in the last minute when even one Laptop Loyal reporter wrote "Falkirk dominated much of the second half but were caught on the break after a defensive calamity...", a "ground-out" 1-0 victory over ICT with a last minute winner, another "ground-out" 2-1 win over mighty Gretna...I could go on but you get the picture.

    Incidentally Rangers "awesome" run of 10 straight SPL victories only translates to 8 straight wins in domestic competition as opposed to Celtic's 10, this due to the fact that the Orcs could only manage a draw away to Hibs in the Scottish Cup on the 3rd of February.

    So, actually you could argue that Celtic's form is "more awesome" than Rangers'. Wattie himself seems to understand this given his own utterances over the past two days regarding Celtic's form.

    There's an old saying - "Figures don't lie but liars can figure".

  2. Not having Sentata I've started watching these away games on

    The commentator is fantatic though don't play it loud with weans/wives/mothers around.

    He is obviously Celtic mad but tells it as it is. If Celtic are rubbish then he says so. Yesterday he chucked it before half time and went to his bed.

    He is 100% better than Scott Booth.