Saturday, 1 August 2009

Ocean Finance still going strong

Guess what?

These subprime vampires haven’t gone away. Despite bringing the world to the edge of catastrophe, they’re still out there pushing barrow-loads of money at ruinous interest rates to people who couldn’t manage a piggy-bank, never mind a household budget.

Can you believe it?

Today I just happened to notice an ad on Sky TV by Ocean Finance, with all the usual shit:

"Feel like you’re being crushed by a debt mountain? Well, why not sign up with us and get buried under an even bigger pile of fucking trouble? Consolidate all the stupid loans that you took out for holidays in Lanzarote, and fur coats, and stupid fucking fitted kitchens you didn’t need. Roll it all up and pay it off over the rest of your fucking life at twice the rate everyone else pays, you fucking fool."

Ocean Finance? These are the kind of fuckers who caused the whole problem by lending to people with no possibility whatever of paying back their debts, and here they are now, on the TV, still searching for idiots to put their necks in the noose. As far as I know, the last owners of Ocean Finance were AIG, for Christ’s sake.

You know AIG - the insurance company that had the biggest collapse in history.

Ocean Finance are incredibly helpful though.

Never mind if you can’t even write your fucking name, you fucking idiot. We’ll send one of our advisory associates to your home (which you won’t have for fucking long) to help you scrawl an X on the application form.
Look what it says on their website:

"Use an Ocean Finance UK homeowner loan to consolidate all your existing credit cards, store cards and unsecured loans leaving you with just one convenient, manageable monthly repayment and improve your cash flow. Alternatively use your Ocean Finance any purpose loan for items such as a new car, home improvement jobs or a holiday. Even if you have bad or adverse credit, county court judgments (ccj’s) or mortgage arrears you may still qualify for a home loan through Ocean Finance."

A new car? A new fucking car?? A holiday?

What??

This service is for people weighed down under a mountain of debt, and Ocean Fucking Finance want them to borrow even more for a car and a holiday! Jesus Christ!

In other words:

You’re completely broke, up to your bollocks in debt, with bailiffs and slavering dogs outside your door, but here, why not have another big heap of money so you can blow it on a pimped Honda and a week in Ibiza, you fucking cretin!

Listen, correct me if I’m wrong, but weren’t these lenders the people who should have been strung up from every lamp-post?

So what the fuck are they doing advertising to start the whole fucking disaster again? Where’s the lynch-mob?

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